2 Corinthians 12:9

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”-  2 Corinthians 12:9

On Friday, I messed up. Without going into too many details, I lost my cool and composure and lashed out at a student. It was like word vomit. I wanted to take it back as I was saying it. I saw the look of surprise on my student’s face fade into hurt. I would have given anything to take back what I said. The student was in the wrong but my reaction was not appropriate. I immediately apologized and asked for his forgiveness. He said that it was not a big deal that I snapped at him but it was a big deal. I was not showing the love of Christ to this student. In my weakness, I rebuked him in anger and frustration, not in love.  

I went home that day from school bawling. How did I get here? This is not me. I don’t yell at students. What has changed? And then it occurred to me: My walk with Christ has been faltering. I haven’t been making my quiet time a priority. It’s simple really. When I don’t read my Bible first thing, I can see a difference in my behavior. I know this and I am embarrassed that I wasn’t making it a priority.

I now know what I have to do. I can now show this student, and all of them for that matter, that even though I mess up, I can change my behavior. These kids need to see it though. They can see through all the crap we say and know if we are being truthful or not. They need to see my changed behavior in my actions. And since I can’t come out and openly say “Even though we mess up, God still loves us”, I can show this through my actions.