"Because I knew you..."

To MLZ,

            When I first thought about going through rush… recruitment… I didn’t know if it was really for me.  But as I prayed more about the decision I really felt led to go through recruitment. I knew at the very least I would make a few friends. However, I had no idea the impact that you all would have on my life.

            I can look back on all of the times we have had together and I can’t help but smile. I can’t think of another pledge class who cared for each other, who liked to have more fun, or who loved spending time together more than we did. There was never a moment I felt left out or not accepted. It wasn’t until I met all of you that I felt so comfortable in who I was. I laugh more since having met all of you.

            I know this letter isn’t very long or super mushy (thank goodness) but I do want you all to know that I have learned something from each one of you. I have learned humility from Lesley, confidence from Holly, sarcasm from BMO, and how to live a passionate life from Aszia. Bullard and Kadee make me laugh harder than almost anyone. I loved living with the Annex girls and shooting things with nerf guns. I loved living with Pate and Noordyke (in the same semester!!) because they taught me not to take things so seriously. Bailey can make stupid things funnier than anybody else I know. And seriously, the list goes on and on. I look at who I am today and I know that you all had a big part in it.

 It was a difficult for me to make the decision to student teach abroad this last semester in college. I remember asking myself “Why would I leave these girls?” But I knew that ultimately you would all be behind me and support me in all of this. And I will be honest, there have been many times when I have looked at your pictures from Vegas and Luau and I get sad that I missed making these memories with all of you. And as cheesy as it is, I have been listening to “Never Alone” over and over and the line that keeps making me cry (seriously) is “and wherever you fly, this isn’t goodbye”.

I love you girls so much. I cannot imagine being in any other sorority or any other pledge class. You are all so beautiful and I am honored to know each and every one of you. We Rock!

AOT,

            Callie

Scary Revelations

So I had a scary revelation this morning…. I GRADUATE A MONTH FROM TODAY!!

The thoughts that came to mind were as follows:

1.      “I am not old enough to graduate!” There is no way that I have learned everything that I need to graduate.  I still act like a kid most of the time. Do they not know this? Would they really hand this KID a diploma?

2.      “I am not ready!” I don’t know all of my plans yet. I need more time to process this. I feel like everyone else has everything figured out and I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I’M DOING!

3.      “I should look for graduation shoes online.” A no-brainer.

4.      “I don’t want to leave Stillwater yet!” Going to college in Stillwater was such a blessing. I am going to miss the town and the people. I am going to miss my pledge sisters, LifeChurch, the Beyers, my friends, and my lifegroup.

5.      “____________________” My mind went blank.

And after I had gotten the crazy, hyperventilating, worry-wart Callie out of the way, God was able to speak to me.  It honestly reminded me of 1 Kings 19, when God revealed himself to Elijah:

“Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. ¹² After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.”

            Anyways, I just felt God telling me to have peace and patience. I, of course, thought God must not know who he is talking to because I am the worst at Peace and horrible with Patience. But, if I claim to be a follower of Jesus, I have already received these fruits in the Spirit (Galatians 5:22).

            So today, I am choosing to have peace with the fact that I am graduating. I am trusting in God’s plan. I have chosen to be patient with whatever outcome he chooses no matter how long and no matter how far away his plan may lead.

“So do not fear, for I am with you;
   do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
   I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

2 Corinthians 12:9

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”-  2 Corinthians 12:9

On Friday, I messed up. Without going into too many details, I lost my cool and composure and lashed out at a student. It was like word vomit. I wanted to take it back as I was saying it. I saw the look of surprise on my student’s face fade into hurt. I would have given anything to take back what I said. The student was in the wrong but my reaction was not appropriate. I immediately apologized and asked for his forgiveness. He said that it was not a big deal that I snapped at him but it was a big deal. I was not showing the love of Christ to this student. In my weakness, I rebuked him in anger and frustration, not in love.  

I went home that day from school bawling. How did I get here? This is not me. I don’t yell at students. What has changed? And then it occurred to me: My walk with Christ has been faltering. I haven’t been making my quiet time a priority. It’s simple really. When I don’t read my Bible first thing, I can see a difference in my behavior. I know this and I am embarrassed that I wasn’t making it a priority.

I now know what I have to do. I can now show this student, and all of them for that matter, that even though I mess up, I can change my behavior. These kids need to see it though. They can see through all the crap we say and know if we are being truthful or not. They need to see my changed behavior in my actions. And since I can’t come out and openly say “Even though we mess up, God still loves us”, I can show this through my actions.